he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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