the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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