Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are my feet made of real feet?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
