"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
