I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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