So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
