at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
