I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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