Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
