After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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