all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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