Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
