Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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