she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
