He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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