its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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