so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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