i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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