I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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