I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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