He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
