I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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