the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am puke
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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