so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
