Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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