the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
