waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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