Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
