Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
