You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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