Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
