Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
