I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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