I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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