WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
