I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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