My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
