I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
