And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
