I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize