i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
