I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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