Pappa wants mamma naked
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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