when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
