My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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