i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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