Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
