I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
