Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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