please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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