Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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