i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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