He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
