New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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