She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
