I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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