i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
