she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did i walk over a car last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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