Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
