brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
