we have officially lost it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
