Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
