she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
