i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
