so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
