just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
