Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
